I Am Human, Imperfect and Love So Very Much
I am Isis only in name.
My daughter needs to know I am human, and I often make mistakes. All mothers struggle and question and are not perfect. Through this journal, I want her to learn that it is okay to be human and make mistakes.
When my daughter is grown I want her to realize that I did the very best I could; this is documented proof that I really was trying. If she has issues or strengths in her life then maybe the answer to how those came about will be in this journal.
We all remember the big moments in our life but sometimes it is the little kindnesses or slights along the way that really affect us, mold us. Sometimes, the serious sticks around long after the whimsy is forgotten. With all that will happen in her life, I knew there was no way I would ever be able to remember it all if I didn’t write it down as it happened.
I started this journal to my daughter to let her know about my life in more detail than I will be able to remember when she is 32, my age now.
Hope is both her name and spirit.
She Wasn’t Super Woman and Neither Am I
Growing up, I always put my mother on a high pedestal. Not that she ever treated me like she was better than me but with that “authority” that all parents must establish (or at least the good ones) it makes the parent seem at a level that the child can not reach. It is respect and fear that often raises a good child and when your mom or dad tells you NO it is that authority figure that you listen to.
As I got older and had my own child it was easy to look at my mother in the same way, to cower when she did the “eye brow raise”, to think that even at 30 years old, if I was late coming over to her house she would ground me and be upset.
It was also still easy for me to see her as Super Woman. As I became more of a parent myself, I began to realize she was only human. I have a great respect and love for my mother, but that realization that sometimes she gets her feelings hurt and sometimes she can not cope with life — the realization that she was not Super Woman — was a battle for me and something I hope that Hope realizes before I did.
Why Make My Life Public?
I am making this public because I want other parents to do this for their children and because journaling helps me sort out my insane life.
I’m making this journal public to prove it can be done, that it should be done.
If someone learns something from this, great. If they can relate to this, great. If they think I am wrong, well, at least I made them think.
I am going to one day pass this journal to her when she is old enough to ask for it. Hopefully, if anything, she will see where she comes from clearly and where I messed up or succeeded in parenting.
Tell Them
Now it is your turn: tell them.
Write down what you’re feeling. Write because it helps you to remember. Write because it helps you to move on. Write down the serious and inconsequential.
Write to tell them what it all means or write to tell them you have no clue what it means. Write now because someday they will ask.
Spend at least as much time writing for your child as you do updating your MySpace or FaceBook Page. It’s important.
