Letters to Hope

I have known Latin Guy for AWHILE, and this is a summery of our relationship over the past couple of months. I knew him from before but never thought of him really in “that way”.

He helped me a lot when you were first born, though but in a somewhat none-sexual way.

Your father was no help when I was feeling fat and thinking I had lost all my beauty by having you.

Joseph was going threw his own drama and not letting me in to help him or to ask him or to reassure him of anything.  He was solving is issues on his own and wanted nothing to do with me.  So being in a relationship and yet the relationship not really being there was very hard for me (as I am sure it was for him as well)

Latin guy complemented me every day told me how beautiful I was told me I was smart and all the wonderful things I so desperately wanted to hear from your father but was met with a “you don’t cook enough”.  This hurt my ego and my self esteem a lot.

Latin Guy built it up again. I know it is so wrong for me to get this attention from someone other then your father but this is one of the reasons that we broke up.  Anyway once it was established that your father and I were not getting back together I sought him out. I asked him to lunch and we continued like time had never past.  We went out a couple more times and I could tell he really liked me, I liked him as well but again it was too soon for a relationship.

I wanted to establish a friendship and this whole dating was new to me after almost 10 years of being with your father.  I realized quickly that he  liked me a lot more then I liked him … in that way…. I thought we had fun I though we had good times I liked our conversations and our laughs but I did not think him “husband” material.  And I was not ready to settle down after just leaving your father.  We went to some party’s we had a great time but I was still very much trying to find myself and not ready to jump into something so serious.

I still wanted to date other people and he did not want that.  I quickly realized that men often think of females as property and he wanted to own me.  The relationship ended badly and I learned again a lot from it as short lived as it was.  I am NOT a piece of property, I have to be clear of my intentions and not lead someone on, and even if I am clear of my intentions I need to say them over and over again.

I am sure this is a lesson I will learn again but it was a good dose of the fact the men are in a lot of ways all the same.

Scared little puppys who want to be pet and loved and then do not want to give up what they have with you.

I hope I can prove myself wrong.

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