Letters to Hope

Well “Insane Painter” quit today and, although I hate to loose the money, I am not that unhappy about it. He was the pain in the ass that I predicted. He would randomly call me and insist that I come in RIGHT AWAY even though he was not scheduled for me to come in. Trying to please him I would move all my other clients around and drive the 45 minutes to his office to only have to do over a spread because the margins were a little off to look at it for two seconds and then throw it in the trash. His attitude towards me and everyone that works for him is totally uncalled for. Although a great painter and I am sure worth a lot of money I am sure bad karma will come to him if he acts the way he does the rest of his life. The abuse that he shows towards others was something that I hated to watch, and the fact that I did not kiss his ass did not help me of course. Like I said sad to see the money go but not the person, or the long drive.

You have been doing very well at sleeping in your own bed until at least 5AM which is great. Everyone gets a good night sleep. I am very proud of you for this because I truly thought I would never sleep again since you kick all night long no matter how far away I put you.

You are also talking A LOT. You try to repeat everything we say. (Which now we have to be really careful about what we say.) You really understand conversations. We can be talking about my mother (your Chee Chee) and you know we are talking about Chee Chee you start repeating her name again and again. You are so smart. You really catch on to things quickly and like I have stated before you have NO FEAR.

At times you are hesitant to walk up to people or if certain people approach you but, if it is up to you, you walk up to total strangers and say “HI” and sit next to them and try to give them kisses. You love other kids which is why I think next year I am going to enroll you in school. I think you will really enjoy it and get a lot out of it. You know exactly what you want when you want it and are getting MUCH better in stores and out running errands. You stay by me (for the most part) and you tell me about everything in the store. Gabbing away about the ball and the cat and the shirt and the hat and the glasses and the food. You are too funny with your little babbling conversations and you get very mad when I don’t know what you are saying. You like what you like when you like it and put up a fuss when you don’t get your way, but not too much because you know something new will be coming soon.

You still don’t like dresses although you do try and put my makeup on all the time. You only like one pair of shoes (so now that is all I buy) and you know that you shoes go ON when we leave and OFF when we get home. The other day we where at the store and there was a fake display bed and you jumped right in it took your shoes off and said “night night” and told every one in the store to SHHHH. You needed a rest. You stayed there a good 15 minutes before I pulled you out and kept shopping of course making a fuss the whole time that you wanted to go back to bed. You are still growing and changing into a wonderful strong willed independent person who everyone loves and adores.

So “Beautiful Lesbian” left for her trip. It was such a joy talking to her and getting to know her and learning about her life.

The career I have chosen to pursue has definitely enriched my life and taught me a lot about people and situations plus the fact that everyone I meet lets me learn a little more as to what to do and not to do and the more I learn about people the more I realize how much we are so all alike and all so different.

I met a girl today. She is a “Beautiful Lesbian” she hired me to help her pack because she is moving to the Bahamas for a yoga convention or something like that. She told me it would be a short time and that we would have to pack fast.

As soon as I met her I wanted to crawl up beside her and snuggle with her. She is much older then me; most likely more like my mom’s age and she has a very neat tattoo on her arm. She is a photographer and great at it. Her art work is amazing. She told me a little about her life and her relationships.

Whatever Your Sexual Orientation, I Still Love You

If you are a lesbian when you grow up little Allana we will have lots to talk about because I don’t think it ever has to be as hard as everyone seems to make it. The amount of depression and non acceptance is terrible. The fact that most of her family shuns her simply because of something she feels is terrible.

Follow your Heart Wherever It Takes You

I think you should always follow your heart and what you are happy with. I think that your heart should never have limitations or boundaries and if loving someone of the same sex or opposite sex or whatever sex is what you are in love with I would NEVER EVER shun you or chastise you for it. EVER!

I learned a lot from this woman and a little bit of me wanted to jump in her arms and tell you “it’s ok I believe and respect and honor and cherish every part of you” but of course I did not. She would have though me nut after such a short time talking.

I am so smart!

Baby’s First Bank Account

I opened a bank account for you and I explained to everyone I knew and knew you that instead of toys or gifts of any kind that it would benefit you more if they put money into your bank account.

I also have bank sheet that I keep that I keep track of what was deposited and from who and when and why. When you are much older this money will grow and you will have it to fall back on.

Maturity Comes Around 28: Still Stupid at 18

You are not getting it until you are around 28. The reason is because when you are 18 you would spend it on something stupid I am sure when you are 21 you are still in that mind set of shoes and partying.

By the time you are around 28 hopefully you will have been partied out, you will have your career going and you will want to purchase a house and settle down. All this money could help you out a lot and I hope that it keeps growing and getting larger. I know that whenever I have extra money it is going to go into that account and when daddy has extra money it will go in there as well.

Learning Spanish Thanks to Malia

Also I have to say that you learned new words today Since Malia is Spanish and speaks Spanish to you of course you also speak Spanish.

One of your first words was comer. I am sure I spelled this wrong but you kept saying it to me over and over again I had no idea what it meant. The next day Malia came in and I said what is that comer what does that mean? She said oh oh, para comer means TO EAT. Poor thing was hungry and I had no idea!

You went pee pee on the potty for the first time on 12/28/2006 you sat down (we where getting ready to take a shower) and you said pee pee and then sat down and did it.

Shocked and Jumping Around Butt-Ass Naked

I was sooo shocked I was jumping around screaming naked in the shower. You where sooo happy. The next day you did it again two more times and we all cheered for you.

We where sooo happy you wiped for about 20 minutes and then after that you where no longer interested in peeing in the potty. So we have not pushed you, but I think you are well on your way out of diapers. We are soo excited.

Christmas Loot Report

Christmas was great you received a lot of toys and have $2,400.00 in your bank account already we are so happy for you. You got two bikes that you are not sure how to use but in a couple months you will figure it out.

You Are Good Around People

We had a lot of company the past two weeks and you have been wonderful. You just go with the flow with a lot of people and unlike me it seems to not bother you all these people in the house. It seems you have adopted your father’s ability to handle large loud crowds’ of people which is great.

Good Sleep and Vocabulary

You have been sleeping wonderfully and your vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds. You now say BED BED BED when you are tired and wake up often saying FOOD FOOD and then of course ELMO. You are too funny. You try to repeat everything we say and are learning new things everyday. You are speaking in Spanish as well as English and are counting in both. You say your ABC’s and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on a regular basis and really like to “read” your books.

You received a mini trampoline from Chee Chee and you love jumping on it. Soo many gifts I can not wait until next year when I can teach you to share and the joy of shopping for others. You love the Jacuzzi still and love of course playing outside. You are growing up to be such a big girl.

So, guess what? The construction people lets now call them “construction people who did not pay me” have not paid me in well over a month.

Stiffed: $600 — They Never Communicate with Each Other

They owe me $600.00. I knew it was coming I should have treated them like “Wacko Dentist” but I did not think they were crazy.

I kept telling them over and over again that hey were mismanaging there money. They had A LOT of overdraft charges because they were not communicating with me. Through all of it, they were very nice and just thought it would all work out but I saw the end.

I ran into the wife in the grocery store and she was practically crying all over the place when I saw her. She kept apologizing saying that she now had to pull her kids out of school that her husband would not get out of bed. I felt bad for her but not bad enough to excuse the bill.

STOP SPENDING MONEY — Read the Signs

I told her she could pay me $20.00 per week if she wanted as long as she worked on paying me back. I found out that she screwed the guy that was doing her Kitchen out of thousands of dollars and that made me feel even less pitty for her.

She knew this was coming and yet they all kept doing it and spending money like there was not issue. People who do not learn from LARGE warning signs and people spelling it out for them do not really get my pity. I can totally understand if you were not aware or did not get proper support but I told them months ago STOP SPENDING MONEY. Their kids were spoiled beyond belief.

Pay Attention, Hope: Here is a Lesson for You

Honey I am going to give you an education before I give you a new doll on the shelf. I am not going to show you love by gifts but by hard work on your part and mine.

I do not (or I try very hard not to) sweep issues under the rug thinking they will go away, especially with money. Everyone is in a small sense in denial for a little while but then it is time to wake up and realize what you have to do.

My mom taught me that from the start and I hope that I will be able to teach you that as well.

Almost Christmas and you are doing great. I had to write this because it was so cute. You are doing so many cute things now I hope I remember to write them all down.

Christmas Light Bulb in Your Mouth

We where putting up the Christmas tree and I thought you had a light bulb in your mouth, I was freaking out because I thought OH GOD what if you chew it or swallow it. Visions of emergency rooms and stomach pumping danced threw my head as I held you down and DEMANDED “WHAT’S IN YOUR MOUTH – OPEN YOUR MOUTH … WHAT’S IN THERE”

You looked up at me with the panic in your eyes and said VERY CLEAR. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. I almost died laughing and smiled and said YES that is right and got you up again. Too funny: that that would be your response.

Then we were in the hot tub the other day and your Daddy was in with you. He laid his head back and you noticed that he was “sleeping” you stated “night night da da” and put your head back and closed your eyes and started to snore. Really loud. Daddy started laughing and you put your hand on his head and said “no no night night da da” and started the snoring again.

You Like To Stand While Eating, Just Like Mommy

You are starting to become quite the little woman. You throw little temper tantrums on a regular basis now and we are having some what trouble when it come to eating. You like to stand while eating. *which I am sure is my fault because you see me eat almost every meal standing over the sink in the kitchen and wolfing down food! I have to start eating dinner with you at the table so that you realize that when we are eating we sit at the table to do it and are polite and sit down instead of standing and jumping in the chair.

Must Correct Now Before Bad Habits Develop

There are so many things that I see that I have to correct. I hope I can do them in time so you do not develop bad habits.

God you are growing fast and becoming quite the little trouble maker.

You have learned how to get what you want by screaming at the top of your lungs, and although this 99% of the time does not work you sure try.

Your New Song: Happy, Happy, Happy

You also run around singing song you have made up with one word like “Happy… Happy….Happy ……… Happy Happy…Happy” you’re a crazy little one.

That is sleeping much better and eating much better. You are climbing and getting into everything. You know what you want and when you want it. You are funny to say the least and you do this little thing where you stand and scream and bring your arms in with little fists and raise your eyebrows as high as they can go. It is SOOO funny and that is your “fit” which is so hard not to laugh at.

You are getting very good at playing by yourself and LOVE LOVE ELMO. I am excited about Christmas coming and all the toys you are going to get. We got a tree and you keep petting it saying “NIIIICCCCCEEEEEE. NICE, NICE.” I wonder how you are going to do once we put stuff on it. You hate it when I sing. Have I already said that, when ever anyone starts to sing you say NO NO NO NO NO over and over again until they stop. Only you are allowed to sing I guess. Which again is very amusing. You are a little wiggle worm and when you don’t want to be held there is no holding you.

You are growing up sooo fast. Soon you will be talking in full sentences and telling me how to run my life. HA I can’t wait.

We had a good day today!

You went to the park and played well with all the other kids, this morning I cleaned the porch and you played very well on your own in your sand box and with the dog, you are doing well with both playing by yourself and with others.

I Hate That One Day You Will Learn Not Everyone is Nice

There were three little boys at the park and you so badly wanted to play with them, but they where much older then you and were not interested. I hate the fact that one day you are going to learn that not all kids are nice and not all kids, no matter how nice you are to them, will be nice to you.

I wish I could save you from this terrible truth, because you ARE such a loving and wonderful person and because you so badly want to be friends with everyone. I hope you do not become cynical because of these situations and you always keep that loving sprit.

I love the little girl you are becoming and how much you are learning and growing, and although at times you test me with saying No NO NO and with now allowing me to do certain things. (like brush your teeth) you are forever amazing to me because you randomly run up and give me a hug and kiss and you always want to snuggle and you’re testing me does not last too long and you never hold a grudge. I have never seen you mean or spiteful and I hope you never learn or become that.

I hope you do not learn the screaming from me although I do scream at you sometimes and I am sorry I hope I can break the habit so you do not scream at your kids.

Maybe I’ll Turn This Journal into a Book For You?

I thought about making this whole thing into a book for you and giving it to you on your 18th birthday I would have to contact and editor I think to make sure this all makes sense but I think you would appreciate it and realize that your mom is just a human being trying the best she can. Just like at 30 I realized that of my mom.

I love you Hope Elizabeth Elfman and I hope that no matter what happens in your life you ALWAYS realize that.