Letters to Hope

Your father has still not moved back into the house.  This seems to not affect you at all but it is weighing heavily on my heart.  I miss him and I wish that he would realize that what I want for our relationship and for our future will only benefit us in a positive way not in a negative way.  At some point you do have to “grow –up” in life and he is still not realizing this.

When I had you my whole world changed and every thought I have and every thing I do makes me want to be a better person for you and for myself.

He does not see that he should make the same choices and chooses to live as if he has nothing to loose.  He still has not seen the light at the end of the tunnel and that we as a family must grow.

I hope you are never with someone like this and if you are I hope you do not waste too much time.

I love your father so much, we have been together most of our adult life and I really do not know how I am going to handle loosing my lover and my best friend all at once.  But I have to stand by my convictions or damn you to a life of the same mistakes.

We are going to seek counseling and we are going to see if we can make this work but right now he does not realize that just saying he loves me is not all I will ever need.  He does not realize that in a relationship there are two people not just him. You hopefully will never see this of your father.  You hopefully will grow in the loving glow of his care and love for you.  You will see him as the strong independent person who cherish every breath you take.  You will see the knight in shining armor and understand that he trying to be everything that he can be for you.

I will love him until the day I die, I just can not handle his behavior and his choices.

And I do have to say Hope  that relationships take two people and that I am just as much to blame for our issues as he is.  It is just that I am making different choices then he is and I am not saying that my choices are better but I am saying that they are healthier for you and for me.

My heart hurts, my stomach hurts, my eyes hurt, my body hurts for the choice that I am making but I know in the long run it will not be something I will ever regret.